One foot wrong, I'm gonna fall . . .

Well, if TN isn't enough fun, I'm also bipolar, but I've been pretty sure of that for years, but wasn't diagnosed until a months after I was diagnosed with TN.  I'd been running on a wrong diagnoses of depression for 13 yrs.  Anyways, I've been stressed lately cause I'm still waiting to hear from ODSP whether I was accepted or not.  And I'm stressed because my brother is being a real prick towards me.  He can hate me all he wants but stopping me from seeing my niece at my birthday is going too f*cking far.No matter how many times I say "i don't care and f*ck him"  it still hurts my feelings.  I'm still dealing with being dumped this summer. . . shortly after those 2 diagnoses. . .

But atleast my parents are talking to me.  It seems I can't have everyone in my family talking to be at the same time.  Someone is always pissed at me for something.  Its sooo frustrating. . . I didn't ask for any of this shit.   I'm trying to deal with all of this on my own.  Its a good thing I have a cat or I'd really loose it.  Ussually by this point I would've drank myself into oblivion but with sooo many meds that say not to drink alcohol with, and a tummy that can't handle any upset. . .

I find myself with a very short fuse lately.  One minute my eyes are tearing up and the next I'm laughing hysterically.  Its ridiculous.  And I can't seem to stop eating.  I have quit smoking 3 times in about 1.5 years.  I start smoking again when I feel like this so I'm really worried.  I haven't had a cigarette in 4 months and I hate it when I start again cause I don't want to smoke anymore.  It's down to the wire for ODSP to give me the results but I would hope that if they've taken this long that it would be positive right?  I can understand CPPD denying me cause I'm only 25 and haven't paid into CPP anything.  And they're hoping I won't appeal.  But I would think ODSP should accept these 2 health problems but you never know.    I needed to vent. And I feel better now.