Life

I know so many of you are going through so much and sometimes I feel like I am just feeling sorry for myself so maybe venting to those who can understand will help.

Last week, we had snow and my son wanted me to play with him. Of course, I could not - way too cold - he cried. Luckily, he has friends this year in the neighborhood so I was happy making hot chocolate hourly and running the dryer like crazy. Then, this past weekend I attended my daughters cheerleading competition. I was prepared to hurt because they are so loud. People screaming, the music. But I wanted to support her. However, 20 feet away from me were 2 men that had the most enormous cow bells that they beat on with drum sticks. Seriously. I don't think I could have handled that without TN. So everytime they did their "thang", I had severe shooting pain.

I finally had to be taken down a notch on the Tegretol, so my Neurologist added Lamotrigine. I don't know much about this drug, but hope it helps. He is also sending me to a Neurosurgeon but I am not ready for that. I saw my mom go through so many surgeries with her cancer treatment, I have sworn it off. I think God is letting me know that I really don't have control of things. My boss asked me to get out my crystal ball and let him know when I am coming back. I hate to say it, but I don't know! Doesn't he think I wouls tell him if I did? My mind is gone. I know Aleshia called it a Tegretol Typhoon in her head - I know what she is talking about.

Since I am more normal in my thought process than when I was on Neurontin, my husband seems to think I am well and he and my kids get frustrated with me when I hit that wall and cannot do anything else. What about them? This is the first time I have had to stop and take care of myself and they don't seem to like it. They all laugh when I get everything screwed up, but I get so frustrated with myself and don't always find it funny. I was an intelligent woman with a career and now am stuck at home and when I do venture out, I get lost driving to familiar places.

Thank you all for allowing me to vent.